We built a life we love states away from our parents. Now that we're starting a family, I'm second-guessing our choice.

For years, moving to Colorado felt for illustration the easiest determination successful the world.

My hubby and I some came present connected our own, drawn by the mountains, the outdoor lifestyle, and the anticipation of building a life location that felt much for illustration us.

I moved to Colorado 10 years ago; he followed 5 years ago. We met here, fell successful emotion here, and yet built the benignant of life we'd erstwhile imagined from afar.

Now we're starting a family, and for the first time, I'm wondering if we've built our dream life excessively acold distant from the group who raised us.

Our families are rooted location else

My parents unrecorded successful the Chicago suburbs, wherever some sides of my family person lived for generations. There are decades of history there: grandparents, aunts and uncles, family traditions, acquainted streets.

My husband's family is successful Chattanooga, Tennessee, and his siblings are there, too, on pinch their children. That intends our early children won't conscionable person grandparents who unrecorded acold away; they'll person cousins who unrecorded acold away, too.

A Pew Research Center study recovered that 75% of American adults see it astatine slightest somewhat important to unrecorded successful a organization wherever family is nearby. I utilized to understand that statistic successful the abstract.

Now, arsenic we're preparing to person a child, I understand it differently. I've ever understood that choosing Colorado meant giving up immoderate proximity to family.

But erstwhile it was conscionable the 2 of us, that trade-off felt much manageable. We could fly location for the holidays. We could scheme trips astir birthdays. We could FaceTime erstwhile we missed someone. We had the state to battalion a container and go.

Having children makes the region consciousness different.

Suddenly, I'm picturing the mean moments, not conscionable the large ones: grandparents stopping by for dinner, cousins playing together connected a random Saturday, my parents being adjacent capable to thief erstwhile we're overwhelmed. I'm reasoning astir each the memories that hap without anyone readying them.

One 2026 Marquette Law School poll of astir 1,500 adults successful the US recovered that 56% of grandparents pinch big children surviving wrong 50 miles cared for a grandchild astatine slightest erstwhile a month.

Among grandparents whose big children each lived much than 50 miles away, that fig fell to 18%. Suddenly, the quality betwixt "we tin visit" and "we tin plaything by" feels beautiful significant.

The life we chose is still the life we love

The analyzable portion is that I don't really want to time off Colorado.

This is home. It's wherever my hubby and I met. It's wherever we've spent years building our relationship, careers, friendships, routines, and community. The mountains that initially brought america present aren't conscionable scenery anymore — they're portion of our mundane life.

And there's thing uncomfortable astir questioning a determination that, for truthful long, felt truthful unquestionably right.

Part of maine worries that I'm romanticizing what it would beryllium for illustration to live person to family. Being adjacent doesn't automatically mean everyone will person the time, energy, aliases expertise to show up.

Families person their ain lives, schedules, challenges, and routines. And moving person wouldn't recreate the nonstop puerility aliases extended-family acquisition I retrieve increasing up, since my husband's and my parents don't moreover unrecorded successful the aforesaid state.

Maybe there's nary cleanable type of this decision

I fishy this is 1 of those choices that becomes much analyzable erstwhile you're a parent: You tin beryllium grateful for the life you've created and still wonderment astir the life you didn't choose.

I don't cognize yet what the reply is. Maybe we'll enactment successful Colorado and find ways to make the region work. Maybe we'll yet move person to 1 of our families. Maybe we'll walk years going backmost and distant earlier we fig retired what feels right.

What I do cognize is that starting a family has changed the measurement I deliberation astir "home."

For a decade, location meant Colorado to me. It meant mountains and independency and the life my hubby and I intentionally created together.

Now I'm realizing that location mightiness besides beryllium measured successful grandparents' houses, cousins' birthdays, family dinners, and the group who tin show up erstwhile you request them.

I don't regret moving to Colorado — not moreover a little. But for the first time, I'm allowing myself to admit that the dream life we chose comes pinch a trade-off … and I'm not judge yet really overmuch that trade-off will matter erstwhile our family gets bigger.