Welcome to the Medical Clinic at the Interplanetary Relay Station

A. You obtain a shortcut through the hydroponics bay on your way to work, and notice that the tomato flora are covered in small crawling insects that appearance akin miniature beetles. One of the insects skitters up your leg, so you attain downward and broom it off. It bites your hand. The area about the nip turns purple and swollen.

You run downward a lengthy metal element hall to the Medical Clinic, grateful for the artificially generated gravity that defies the laws of discipline and yet is amazingly average in fictional area stations. The sign on the medicinal center entrance says “hours since the final tolerant death:” The figure currently posted on the sign is zero. If you act the medicinal center anyway, go to C. If you search medicinal attention elsewhere, go to B.

B. You are in a relay position in orbit midway between Saturn and Uranus. There is no another medicinal attention available. Proceed to C.

Why are you motionless study this? You’re expected to go to C. Are you certain you won’t go into the clinic? No? Fine. You come back to your quarters and hunt the station’s repository to discover a cure for the raised purple scabs that are now spreading up your arm. Most of the repository entries propose amputation. The rash looks beautiful serious, and you likely ought to go to C, but if you entirely refuse to go to the clinic, go to Z and die a horrible, achy death.

C. Inside the clinic, a communication plays complete the loudspeakers: “Welcome to the Medical Clinic at the Interplanetary Relay Station, delight sign your name on the clipboard. Patients volition be seen in the command that they arrive. If this is an emergency, we’re sorry—you’re likely screwed. The current delay period is six hours.” The communication is on endless repeat, cycling through dozens of distinct languages.

The clipboard is covered in green mucus, likely from a Saturnian slug-monkey. They are exceedingly rude creatures, continually starving and extremely temperamental. You rub distant the slime alongside the sleeve of your garment and act your information. The clipboard chirps in a cheerful voice, “You are figure 283. If you depart the waiting room, you volition be moved to the end of the queue. If your physiology is incompatible alongside lengthy waiting area stays, you may petition a mobile tracker and delay in one of our moon rooms. The current delay for a mobile tracker is four hours.”

If you decide to delay in the waiting room, go to D. If you petition a mobile tracker, go to D anyway, since there is no chance you volition get one.

D. You hand the clipboard to the tolerant rearward you, a Tarmandian Spacemite from the mining colonies. As you hand it off, you acknowledge the clipboard is printing a receipt. The audio of the printer triggers the spacemite’s predatory response, and it eats the clipboard.

“Attention patients, the clipboard has been lost. Patients volition be seen in the command they arrived. Please row up using the figure listed on your receipt. If you do not have a receipt, you volition need to delay and sign in whenever a new clipboard is assembled.”

If you delay for the new clipboard, go rear to C. If you are astute adequate to acknowledge that going rear to C volition outcome in a iteration that does not advancement the story, continue to E.

E. Instead of waiting in line, you obtain advantage of the waiting area anarchy to go to the nurses’ position and petition treatment. There are two nurses at the station, a tired-looking individual and a Uranian Doodoo. The Doodoo is about twice your size, covered in dreary brown fur, and speaks a tongue that lone contains the letters, d, t, b, p, and o. If you conversation to the individual nurse, go to F. If you conversation to the big brown Doodoo from Uranus, go to G. Also, halt snickering. The earth is pronounced “urine iss” not “your anus.”

F. The individual caregiver sees the nasty purple rash on your arm and demands that you quarantine yourself in your quarters. If you obtain this advice, go rear to B. Have you noticed all the loops in this story? The loops simulate the supreme futility of attempting to get medicinal care. What are you motionless doing here? Go rear to B. Next period you get to the nurses’ station, recall to choice the non-human nurse.

G. You method the Uranian caregiver and babble a bunch of words that end in “oo” which is your finest approximation of Doodoo language. Honestly, the attempt is benevolent of offensive. The Doodoos are a civilization older than humankind alongside a nuanced tongue steeped in a complex alien culture. Why would you anticipate a random assortment of words ending in “oo” to communicate item meaningful?

Thankfully, the caregiver does not react to your blatant mock of its language, so you clasp out your arm and item to the purple rash. In a sole bite, it eats your complete arm, cauterizing the injury alongside its extremely acidic saliva. The rash is gone. If you regard yourself cured, continue to Y. If you remain at the medicinal center in hopes of getting a prosthetic arm, go to H.

H. You method the individual caregiver and ask concerning the preparedness of prosthetic limbs. He hands you a stack of twenty-four forms to inhabit out. The Doodoo caregiver has eaten the hand you normally compose with. If you inhabit out all the forms alongside your remaining hand, go to I. If you inhabit out lone the top form and depart the remainder blank, expecting that no one volition notice, go to I.

I. The caregiver takes your paperwork and shoves it into a folder. He leads you downward a hall to an exam area filled alongside an assortment of syringes and dissection tools. “Take off all your apparel and put on this gown,” the caregiver instructs, “and person volition be in to see you soon.” If you do what the caregiver says, go to J. If you keep your apparel on, go to K.

J. The exam area is chilly and the gown is three sizes too small and document thin. You sit down, lone to notice that the tissue document that covers the exam array hasn’t been changed and is covered in small crawling insects that appearance akin miniature beetles. Sitting downward is a decision that has exactly arrive rear to nip you in the ass. If you jump up screaming and broom the insects off your naked skin, go to L. If you calmly broom the insects distant and afterward cry for person to arrive in and spotless the room, go to L.

K. Three hours later, the doctor arrives. You are relieved to see that she is human. You ask her if she can matter you a prosthetic limb. She says no, mumbles item concerning asset allocation forms, and leaves. If you obtain her refusal and decide to regard yourself cured, go to Y. If you scream downward the hall at the departing doctor that you must have a new arm, go to L.

L. A safety authoritative comes, attracted by the audio of your screams. Clinic safety is handled by a six-foot-tall Tarmandian Spacemite alongside poisonous venom, keen teeth, and a fondness for US tax law. If you run, go to M. If you are secretly a trained warrior and decide to slay the Tarmandian Spacemite alongside your naked hands so you can eat its head, go to N. If you sit extremely motionless and anticipation the Tarmandian Spacemite goes away, go to O.

M. Running triggers the predatory instincts of the Tarmandian Spacemite. Go to Z.

N. You use your entirely unforeshadowed (but useful!) fighting skills to overpower the safety officer. The caput of the Tarmandian Spacemite is a delicious delicacy, salty and crunchy and complete of delightful worms that squiggle all the way downward your throat. Unfortunately, you forgot to eliminate the poisonous fangs. Go to Z.

O. You sit absolutely motionless on the exam table, and small insects that resemble miniature beetles crawl into your pants and nip you repeatedly, leaving a bunch of purple bumps that appearance suspiciously akin to the scabby rash you had on your arm whenever you arrived at the clinic. When you’re certain the Tarmandian Spacemite is gone, go to P.

P. You have misplaced an arm and the lesser fractional of your torso is covered in a purple rash. If you decide to cut your losses and regard yourself cured, go to R. If you rummage through the cabinets in the exam room, go to S.

Q. There is nothing in the narrative that directs you to this section, so if you are study this, you have unsuccessful to prosecute instructions. Go immediately to Z and die your horrible, achy death. Or skip to location else, since you plainly aren’t playing by the rules anyway.

R. You sneak out of the medicinal center and come back to your quarters. You hunt the position repository for treatments for your beetle-induced purple rash. There is no known cure, although several patients have had fortune alongside amputation of the affected areas. Sadly, you are incapable of amputating your own ass. Even if you go rear to the clinic, the rash is now too general to be treated. Go to Z. Or, if you desire to see what would have happened if you’d opted to hunt through the exam area cabinets, go to S. But remember, going to S is lone to see what hypothetically would have happened. Your true destiny is Z.

S. You rummage through the cabinets and discover an assortment of ointments and lotions. If you peruse the instructions on all the bottles, go to T. If you choose a few bottles at random and slather them on your rash, go to T. Have you noticed how frequently you end up in the identical location no matter what you chose? In the clinic, as in life, decisions that appear crucial are frequently ultimately meaningless. In the end, all of us volition die and none of this volition matter. Now seriously, go to T.

T. None of the ointments or lotions do item for your rash. The Uranian caregiver comes in to spotless the area and discovers you. If you feign to activity at the clinic, go to U. If you ask for assistance alongside your rash, go to V. If you run away, go to W.

(There is no U, much as there is no anticipation for patients of the clinic. The caregiver would have recognized you anyway. Go to V.)

V. The Doodoo from Uranus (seriously, are you in third grade? Stop pronouncing the earth as “your anus”) examines your rash and amputates the affected areas by dining them, neatly cauterizing the injury alongside the acidic in its saliva. You are now a caput alongside about fractional a torso. If you regard yourself cured, go to X. Otherwise, go to Z.

W. You escape from the Uranian caregiver but stumble on a puddle of slippery green mucus excreted by another patient, likely that idiot slug-monkey that slimed the clipboard. You collision into the wall, and before you can get rear up, the Uranian caregiver amputates the areas affected by the rash by dining them, neatly cauterizing the injury alongside the acidic in its saliva. You are now a caput alongside about fractional a torso. If you regard yourself cured, go to X. Otherwise go to Z.

X. You are not cured. You are a caput alongside fractional a torso, and missing multiple inner organs. Go to Z.

Y. Congratulations, you have survived your trip to the Medical Clinic at the Interplanetary Relay Station! All you have to do now is inhabit out your discharge papers. You commencement filling out the forms alongside your one remaining hand, but you accidentally autumn the pen onto the oozing ft of the Saturnian slug-monkey waiting in row rearward you. This is undoubtedly the idiot that slimed the sign-in clipboard. You cuss the slug-monkey out alongside several choice words in French. Choice words since it was rude to depart slime all complete the clipboard. French since you cognize improved than to create a slug-monkey angry. You’ve watched adequate learning vids to cognize that slug-monkeys are continually hungry, which makes them temperamental.

Unfortunately for you, Saturnian slug-monkeys are far improved informed than conceited humans provision them credit for. This one is fluent in multiple languages, including French. It eats you. Go to Z.

Z. You die a horrible, achy death. But at smallest you won’t have to agreement alongside your coverage company!