I knew caring for my 88-year-old mom would be hard. I didn't expect to spend so much time on tech support.

Aug 01, 2026 09:25 PM - 3 hours ago 61

The author's mother holds up a compartment telephone while successful a restaurant.

I really didn't cognize what caring for an aging parent would beryllium like.

After my begetter died, my mother continued surviving unsocial successful New York City. She was successful her mid-80s and fiercely independent. She managed each her finances, expert appointments, and meal dates pinch her caller boyfriend. She loved her apartment, her lifestyle, her friends, and her iPhone 16, and had nary liking successful ever leaving. Then her wellness declined dramatically.

It became clear that staying unsocial successful Manhattan was nary longer safe for her without round-the-clock care, which, financially, was not an option. We decided to move her into an assisted surviving facility successful Connecticut, adjacent wherever I live.

Even though she signed disconnected connected the move, she was not happy. I took comfortableness successful believing she would yet person the support she needed pinch meals, medications, transportation, and daily care. Plus, my son, husband, and I would beryllium capable to walk value clip pinch her.

What I didn't expect astatine each was really passwords would make specified a large effect connected my day-to-day life.

Tech has go a immense portion of caring for my mom

What should person been a elemental task — logging into 1 of my mom's health security accounts (she has five) to entree reimbursement forms for a dental process — turned into an hour-long ordeal. I had to flooded a forgotten password, a verification codification sent to an aged email address, and the realization that I would request to get her connected the telephone pinch the security institution truthful they could authorize maine to speak connected her behalf.

Over the past 2 years, those kinds of tasks person go a defining portion of really my mom and I walk our clip together.

My mom has ne'er heard of a password head like Dashlane, nor did she ever usage Apple's version. And she couldn't group up Face ID (she has Parkinson's illness and can't support her telephone still). Instead, she kept each password successful a black-and-white creation notebook. For years, that strategy worked good for her.

She was capable to entree her slope and finance accounts, arsenic good arsenic aggregate security portals. She could salary her bills, bid family items from Amazon, and nonstop retired integer greeting cards for each typical occasion.

Then came two-factor authentication. Suddenly, a password wasn't enough. Accounts wanted codes sent to phones, backup email addresses, information questions, and app approvals. She was lost.

The much clip I walk navigating these systems connected her behalf, the much I recognize that truthful galore technological advancements weren't designed pinch group for illustration her successful mind.

Managing her integer life is an basal portion of her care

When group talk astir caregiving, they talk astir healthcare. They don't talk astir the infinitesimal a genitor tin nary longer fig retired why her telephone stopped ringing (she accidentally pressed the silent button), retrieve and publication a connection from her expert via MyChart (which requires the other measurement of logging successful and verifying her identity), aliases deposit a cheque via her banking app (her shaking hands person made it intolerable to clasp the telephone dependable capable to return a photo).

The female who erstwhile managed her ain finances, appointments, and societal life successful New York City now finds herself limited connected maine to navigate systems she tin nary longer negociate because of exertion that assumes everyone uses a password manager, tin retrieve verification codes connected aggregate devices, and tin get the thief they request from a chatbot alternatively of a person. My mom can't do immoderate of that.

Rather than making life easier, the very devices designed to supply convenience and information person had the other effect. Every clip my mom has to manus maine her telephone because she can't entree an relationship aliases fig retired why thing isn't working, she loses a small much power complete her ain life. And for personification who spent astir 90 years managing perfectly good connected her own, that loss of independency and assurance is profound.

What surprises maine astir is really invisible this activity is. I ideate location are galore big children for illustration maine who are uncovering themselves successful a akin position. We aren't conscionable helping our parents negociate their healthcare. We're helping them navigate a world that progressively assumes everyone is patient enough, physically and cognitively. to support up. For me, that has go 1 of the astir important responsibilities of caring for my mom.